You thought I wouldn't do it? Guess again, pilgrim.
I am officially running for President of the United States.
I am fully qualified for the job. I am over the age of 35, farther over it than I care to sometimes admit. I am a United States citizen, born in the United States to parents who were born in the United States. I have a bachelor's degree in history, ran a double major of history and political science, in a pre-law curriculum. I have worked as a laborer. I managed a get-out-the-vote office for the Republican Party. I have worked in title insurance as an abstractor/examiner for the last 25 years, while also moonlighting as a legal researcher. I have been an employee of many businesses, and I have been self-employed. I know people from every walk of life, and talk with them every chance I get. I read everything I can get my hands on. So I am at least as qualified as anyone that has ever run,except that I have no experience whatsoever in government on any level. Which makes me the ultimate outsider. And probably unelectable.
That is why I must run. For two hundred and forty years, this country has been run by those who were electable. That has served us well. But now it seems the electable ones are the ones that won't get anything done. And the really good ones can't get elected.
You heard me. The good ones can't get elected.
Which brings me to the reason you should vote for me. A reason I cannot emphasize enough. I...am...just...not...that...good.
You see, unlike anybody else running, I will start right off by telling you who I am not. I am not the Messiah from Jerusalem come to make your life perfect. It is all I can do to make my life pretty good. Because I do not have all the answers. I don't know that I have very many answers at all. But I know to ask questions. As your President, I intend to ask lots of questions, of as many people as I can find. I intend to do a lot of listening. A LOT of listening. I'll.probably talk a lot too. I'm Irish, I can't help it. I'm also Southern, so I really can't help it. Mostly when I talk it will be to tell stories so as to illustrate either my point or my question. But I do know when I've found out enough and it is time to apply what I have learned. At that point, you will see application like you have never seen it before.
I also intend to tell you the truth,starting with this. I am a member of no organized political party. I am a Republican. And my guess is, having admitted that, I have also let the cat out of the bag and will therefore never get the nomination. That creates a challenge. But I always loved a good challenge.
The next truth is this. If you want me to be your President, you are going to have to get me onto the ballot in your state. For I, a man of the people, am also a man without a party. And a man with no money. Fortunately, I don't want any money. Not that I'm rich. If my wife didn't work, it would be a struggle. But when people give you money, they think they own you. And if they give you big money, they KNOW they own you. So,do not send me money. Not one cent. I will not accept it. I will not accept any money from any source except my wife (she already owns me, and in all the best ways too). If you insist on sending me money, I insist on the following ground rules: Double the amount you would give, and send it to the charity of your choice. And don't use my name. That is your gift, and the best way your money will do good.
Beyond all that, I offer this. As your President, I will do my best to always direct my effort, my learning, my industry, and my judgment, to do the best I can for all of the people. My plan is to ask, and learn, and work, in hopes that when my job is done, you'll have one.
And maybe leave my year old granddaughter a country---and a grandpa---she can be proud of. Because it is all for Kambria!